We’ve all had those moments: You walk away from a conversation and immediately start replaying every word you said.
“Did I talk too much? Was that weird? Should I have just stayed quiet?”
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Overthinking social interactions, over-talking when you’re anxious, and second-guessing everything afterward are common experiences—especially for people who live with anxiety.
Here’s why it happens, what’s going on beneath the surface, and how to find more ease in your interactions.
1. Why We Over-Talk When We’re Anxious
For some people, anxiety in social settings doesn’t show up as silence—it shows up as talking a lot. You might ramble, overshare, or fill every pause because the silence feels unbearable.
This is often a way to:
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Avoid awkwardness
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Stay “in control” of the conversation
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Prevent judgment by seeming interesting or likable
Ironically, the very thing meant to soothe anxiety can sometimes feed it. Afterward, you may feel embarrassed, regretful, or ashamed—which leads to…
2. The Overthinking Spiral After Social Interactions
You replay conversations like a movie reel, zooming in on small moments:
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“Why did I say that?”
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“Did I sound annoying?”
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“Are they going to think I’m weird now?”
This kind of rumination can feel impossible to shut off. It’s the brain’s way of trying to “solve” a perceived social mistake—but it usually just makes you feel worse.
3. What’s Actually Going On
At its core, this cycle is fueled by social anxiety and self-protection. Your nervous system interprets social situations as risky, even when they’re safe.
This can lead to:
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Hyper-awareness of how you’re coming across
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Difficulty being present in conversations
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Harsh self-criticism afterward
Sometimes, these patterns are shaped by past experiences—like feeling rejected, misunderstood, or judged. Your brain tries to predict and prevent future pain by scanning for signs you “messed up.”
4. How to Break the Cycle
You don’t have to stay stuck in the overthink-over-talk spiral. Here are a few strategies that can help:
✦ Pause and Ground Before Interactions
Take a few deep breaths, feel your feet on the floor, and remind yourself: I don’t have to be perfect. I just have to be present.
✦ Practice “Tolerating the Pause”
Silence in a conversation isn’t failure—it’s space. Let it happen. Let others fill it too. You don’t have to carry the whole exchange.
✦ Reframe Your Self-Talk
Instead of “Why did I say that?”, try:
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“I was trying my best in the moment.”
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“I don’t have to rehash this.”
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“One awkward moment doesn’t define me.”
✦ Use Mindfulness to Interrupt the Loop
When you catch yourself spiraling after a conversation, gently redirect your focus to the here and now. Notice what’s around you. Get back into your body.
✦ Work with a Therapist
If anxiety about social interactions is affecting your confidence or relationships, therapy can help you untangle the patterns, build self-compassion, and feel more at ease in your skin.
Final Thought
You’re not too much. You’re not the only one who replays conversations or feels awkward after talking. These are signs of a nervous system that’s trying to protect you. With practice, support, and kindness toward yourself, it does get easier.
