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8 Signs Your Marriage May Be in Trouble

8 Signs Your Marriage May Be in Trouble
And How Therapy Can Help You Reconnect

Every marriage goes through hard times. But when disconnection becomes the norm and communication breaks down, it might be a sign of deeper trouble. According to leading relationship researchers like Dr. John Gottman, it’s possible to identify key warning signs that predict long-term distress — and even divorce — if left unaddressed.

Here are eight research-supported signs that your marriage may need attention, along with how couples therapy can help.


1. You Feel More Like Roommates Than Partners

Emotionally distant couples often operate more like co-managers than romantic partners. Dr. Sue Johnson, founder of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), notes that emotional disconnection is one of the biggest predictors of marital dissatisfaction. You may still handle daily logistics but feel a lack of closeness or intimacy.


2. Communication Is Critical, Defensive, or Silent

Dr. Gottman identified four behaviors that strongly predict divorce: criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling (known as the “Four Horsemen”). If arguments are harsh or lead nowhere, or if communication has shut down entirely, your relationship may be struggling to stay emotionally safe.


3. Physical Intimacy Has Decreased or Disappeared

Changes in sexual and physical connection can reflect deeper emotional issues. Research shows that intimacy is both a reflection of and a resource for emotional connection. A sustained lack of physical affection may be a sign that trust, closeness, or attraction needs repair.


4. You Feel Lonely — Even When You’re Together

One of the clearest signs of marital trouble is emotional isolation. A 2022 study in The Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that perceived partner responsiveness — feeling heard, valued, and supported — is strongly tied to relationship satisfaction. When that’s missing, loneliness sets in.


5. Resentment Is Replacing Respect

Unresolved conflict often turns into resentment. According to EFT research, attachment injuries—times when a partner feels betrayed or unsupported—can fester unless repaired. When contempt or sarcasm enters the picture, the relationship becomes emotionally unsafe.


6. You (or Your Partner) Have Checked Out

Emotional disengagement often precedes separation. Studies show that when one partner stops trying to repair conflict or avoids vulnerability altogether, it’s often a defense against chronic emotional pain. This can look like indifference, avoidance, or apathy.


7. Major Decisions Are Made Separately

Healthy couples share decision-making. If one or both partners begin to make important choices alone—financial, parenting, or lifestyle—it may reflect broken trust, power struggles, or emotional withdrawal.


8. You Think About Leaving More Than Staying

Thinking about separation doesn’t always mean the marriage is over—but frequent thoughts of leaving are a sign that needs aren’t being met. A Journal of Marriage and Family Therapy study found that couples often wait six years after problems start to seek help. That delay can make repair harder—but not impossible.


You Can Repair and Reconnect

The good news? Many struggling couples do find their way back—with the right support.

Evidence-based couples therapy models like:

  • Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) focus on rebuilding emotional bonds

  • The Gottman Method helps improve communication and rebuild trust

  • Integrative Behavioral Couple Therapy (IBCT) focuses on acceptance and change

These approaches are backed by decades of research and help couples understand deeper emotional patterns, break cycles of conflict, and reconnect in meaningful ways.


It’s Not Too Late to Get Help

You don’t have to wait until everything falls apart. If you’re noticing any of these signs, reaching out is an act of care, not failure. Whether you’re looking to repair, reconnect, or gain clarity, therapy offers a supportive space to explore what’s next.


We’re here to help.
Our licensed marriage and family therapists use evidence-based tools to guide couples and individuals through healing and reconnection.
Schedule an appointment or browse therapist bios today.

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